My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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