i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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