Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
