it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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