I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Two words: blizzard sex
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
