i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think my moral compass just broke
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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