I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
