I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Still dying that you shit outside
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
