How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
