Christians are straight up FREAKS
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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