im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i love accidental penises.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
