Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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