dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Watching her eat just hurts me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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