he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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