Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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