I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
