and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
