i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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