I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
