talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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