if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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