There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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