you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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