Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Randomize