considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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