It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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