Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
