hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
