omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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