why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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