i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
