I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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