I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
