Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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