It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
