Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize