im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We need to rekindle our bromance
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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