Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize