How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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