I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
