So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize