we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
