I heard we made out
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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