Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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