my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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