dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize