I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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