is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
