you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
