after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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