Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize