Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
