Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize