marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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