i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
