I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
