I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
