he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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