Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
