my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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