She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
