Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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