Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
