So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
