She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
