i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
