she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
