Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
