I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize