If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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