2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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