dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
