Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
